“So if I would be dating you I think I would feel better his strange “what do you bring to the table?” attitude and I would be appalled by it. not because I don’t have anything to give but because the expectation is there.”
The expectation is there precisely the way your/her expectation is that I provide and protect. The expectation is there ONLY because so many women today have been raised with expectations of men and not a clue of and I’d say in fact rejecting any expectations of themselves.
Do I lay this on the table implicitly or explicitly when/if I date? Hardly, only the two times I mentioned I was told what my roles is (pay, provide, protect) and what she does in return (either ‘um I don’t know’ or ‘make you into a better man’). I can tell when I’m on a date if a woman even knows these things other than when she says them. As I mentioned regarding the woman who was pursuing me whose entire approach was ‘I like you woo me’ she had not figured out; what do I need to do or be or show him to make him WANT to woo me? If you can’t figure that out (and no, a low cut blouse is not it).
“ She fills in the space, your heart and and your head. The scent of her perfume gives you butterflies. A woman who knows her value is worth just being around because she inspires you and motivates you to give. That’s the dynamic. So there is no need for her to even tell you what she brings to the table. You feel it and you want to be around it forever”
While I don’t’ disagree with you totally as it all sounds great and poetic, in reality in dating between adults in today’s world, yeah sorry you better bring more than ‘perfume’ and ‘motivating me to give’. The dynamic of my paying for the privilege of just being around someone who ‘fills my space’ sort of makes me cringe. See, I expect that I fill her space, her heart, her head. I expect to give her butterflies. I expect to (and do) inspire and motivate her. Otherwise your dynamic really comes back down to ‘ you provide for and protect me, I make you into a better man’. Again, I don’t need you or any woman to do that.
Here are some of the things I notice that women do:
- When I do pay the bill they not only thank me they are genuinely pleased because it gives them pleasure that I made the gesture and made them feel like a woman that I did so. I can tell the difference between that and a thanks that says I fulfilled my obligation and nothing more.
- I was at my local coffee shop once sitting down, a girl who worked at the local hair salon was on her way out carrying a carton of coffees with her phone pinned between her ear and shoulder as she spoke to her boss. I got up, opened the door and held it for her. She walked through, stopped, said ‘hold on’ then took the phone from her ear and said ‘Thank you Michael’. Keeper.
- I was walking my dog in the dog run, it was pouring so I had dog and umbrella. I was talking to a woman in the same situation, we were in some deep conversation. My dog did his #2 and I had to reach for the metal scoop but I don’t have three hands. Without missing a beat or a sentence this woman took my umbrella and held it for me while I scooped and then handed it back again without missing a beat in the conversation. Keeper.
Now you can talk about how just being around her ‘perfume’ and ‘space’ is enough and should make me want to ‘be around it forever’ but that is Little Prince talk (one of my favorite books and one of the most romantic so I’m not slamming it just the simplicity of it as it pertains to real life men and women). But I want a woman who brings more to the table than just her ‘perfume’ for me to pay to be around. I want a woman with strength, feminine strength, who I know is going to stand by me when I am down and count on me for strength when I am up, whose qualities and strength compliment me and make me better as I make her better. I don’t just want ‘a rose’.